Here's The Billboard Music Awards Performance That Madonna Reportedly Spent $5 Million Of Her Own Cash On

Sure, Madonna’s new Madame X persona is a mixture of her past personas, and is like Dita from Erotica after drunkenly stumbling into the La Isa Bonita universe, but at least she’s trying to pull out some new shit from her pirate bloomers… Unlike Taylor Swift, who at 60 years old, will probably pull some Whatever Happened To Baby Tay Tay? shit by continuing to lip-synch to a rejected end credits Pixar movie song while girlishly twirling around in a sparkly pastel skating outfit before squealing about kittens, silly boys, and spelling.

At last night’s Billboard Music Awards, Madonna dry butt humped on Maluma as they performed their La Isla Bonita on Ambien song called Medellin. TMZ previously said (they have since taken down the entire post, Madame X got to them!) that she really wanted to make our eyeballs pop out (so that we’d have to buy a limited-edition Madame X eyepatch from her online store) with some TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED HIGH-TECH WIZARDRY so she searched her sofa for $5 million in loose change to pay for her own Billboard Music Awards performance. Basically, she performed with some low-res small ass holograms of herself in various forms of Madame X drag, and I’m disappointed that she missed an opportunity to really bring the controversy by making one of her holograms hologrind on and suck the holotoes of the Tupac hologram. Like the old days!

While dressed like a pirate wench who time-traveled to the 90s to raid a Charlotte Russe, Madge swayed along to her 90s Dance Dance Revolution holograms before stepping onto the set borrowed from a regional theater production of Evita. And then she and Maluma continued to cha cha with her million dollar holograms. Honestly, she should’ve saved her coins and instead cha cha’d next to an old Dell computer showing a generation one Sim of Madame X cha cha’ing next to her. Now that would’ve been it!

And how the fuck are you going to have a performance with holograms where you mouth coo out a “cha cha cha” a million times and NOT have a Dawn Davenport hologram cha cha’ing along in cha cha heels?!

But the Madonna performance from yesterday that I was fully into was the pep talk she gave herself while lying on the dirty carpet in her dressing room.

That above = The 2019 spin of Norma Desmond’s “I am BIG, it’s the pictures that got small” monologue.

Pic: AP

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