A lesbian affair is making me question my marriage

DEAR DEIDRE: ANOTHER woman has made me feel alive again. I love my husband but I’m not sure I want to stay married to him.

We got together when I was in my teens. I’m 36 and my husband’s 41. We’ve been married for 12 years.


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I have never cheated and — to my knowledge — he hasn’t either. We’ve always put our three children first.

When we were invited to a friend’s barbeque recently I went alone, as my husband wasn’t feeling well.

I met this other woman there. We hit it off straight away.

She told me she was gay and I was intrigued, as I don’t have any gay friends. She’s 34 and single.

Later we were in the kitchen washing up. We were giggling away when she kissed me on the lips.

I was surprised with how I responded — it was very passionate. At the end of the night we swapped numbers.

I couldn’t get her out of my head and a few days later I texted her. She was thrilled to hear from me.

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Five months on, we have been sneaking around to be together, though I know it is wrong. Sex with her is amazing and like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

Being with someone who knows how the female body works is on another level. I always fantasised about having lesbian sex.

I can’t shake off this feeling but I have children who will be hugely affected.

I do love my husband but we got together when I was very young and I didn’t really get to explore all avenues of love.

Will my feelings subside? Or do I need to explore more to figure out what my heart, body and soul need?

DEIDRE SAYS: Your feelings matter – and if being with another woman is right for you, you will not be able to stay happily married to your husband.

Exciting sex with a new lover is heady stuff and it doesn’t necessarily mean you would be happy together.

Plus, your children would start this new life confused and miserable.

Stay away from your lover and distract yourself from thinking about her by making positive efforts to liven up your marriage, including sexually.

My support pack on Bisexual Questions will help you – and the pack How To Light Her Fire – could help fan fresh flames between you and your husband.

But if this only proves to you that you want a female partner, be honest with your husband.

You can find support to tell your family, when you are ready, through Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (fflag.org.uk, 0300 688 0368).

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