I always initiate sex with my husband and it makes me feel unwanted

DEAR DEIDRE: ALWAYS being the one to initiate sex with my husband is making me feel undesirable and unattractive. I am sick of it.

I dress up in saucy underwear, give him oral sex and even climb on top of him but he’ll say he’s not in the mood.


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I am 54, he is 56 and we have been together for almost 30 years.

We used to have sex every night – sometimes twice – but now I’m lucky if it’s three times a week.

He claims he’s tired from work and that he would be happy to go to bed and read instead. I think this is just an excuse.

I’m pretty sure he isn’t cheating and he says he still loves me and finds me physically attractive. So why doesn’t he show it?

DEIDRE SAYS: Having sex every night is a lot for any couple – no matter what their age and how long they have been together. Perhaps it’s as simple as three times being plenty for your husband, so he doesn’t feel the need to initiate more. It is likely he genuinely is tired.

Often a couple’s sexual needs and desires can differ. It’s important you communicate about it and find some sort of ­compromise.

My support pack Different Sex Drives will be helpful for you both to read.

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