DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE been having a passionate affair with my parents’ best friend for seven years. We are both married with families – but we jump into bed together whenever we get the chance.
We both know there is no way we could ever be together publicly and I have tried my hardest to put a stop to it. I am a woman of 34 and he is 54.
We manage to be together a couple of times a week as my husband works nights and my lover’s wife goes to evening classes.
The sex is fun, exciting and amazing every time we manage to sneak a couple of hours in bed together. He is a wonderful lover and being with me means a lot to him as his wife isn’t interested in sex.
My husband is a good man, hard-working and considerate, and a good dad to our two children, aged 11 and nine.
He is 38 and has a back problem, which makes sex painful and difficult for him, so we both agreed that our sex life should be abandoned for the time being.
But he would never forgive me if he found out what’s going on. My friend is the one who contacts me for our next meeting.
He knows when my husband is at work and when I can rely on my babysitter.
She thinks I go round to a friend’s house for a girlie chat and a drink.
If I can’t get a babysitter, we stay at my place and have sex in my bed. My children are very deep sleepers.
I don’t feel I can go on like this, year in, and year out, but it’s so hard to end it when there is no way I can cut off contact completely. I would still bump into him at my parents’, and his wife is godmother to one of our kids.
When he and I are sitting at the same table, I know our feet will touch or he will look at me in such a way it speaks pure sex. Then all my resolves to stop the affair disappears because I know we will be in bed together at the first opportunity.
AS we grow older, our sexual reactions do slow down – but men who experience erection problems or delayed climax too often assume nothing can be done, when that is far from the case.
My e-leaflet Worried You’re Past It, Guys? explains self-help and expert treatments.
For a copy, email me at [email protected] or private message me on my DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
DEIDRE SAYS: You say yourself this situation cannot continue, so why wait until everyone involved ends up hurt and angry?
Imagine how grim the fall-out will be in the family. Your children will be especially hurt and may well be sensing there is tension now.
One day they will wake up when your lover is with you or there will be some emergency and it will be discovered that you are not where you said you would be.
This man is not forcing you to meet him and continue the affair. You say he is the one who contacts you with plans for your next meeting but you are agreeing to them. Say no and end the call. Block him if he is persistent.
Meanwhile, start sorting out your marriage. Your man’s bad back may rule out intercourse but you can still give each other a lot of sexual pleasure in other ways My e-leaflet Sex-play Sex Therapy explains self-help and expert treatment
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