PLATELL'S PEOPLE: What are Sussexes worth if not hateful to royals?

PLATELL’S PEOPLE: What value do the Sussexes have if they can’t be nasty about the royals?

What a rotten few weeks it’s been for Prince Harry. First, there was his desperate attempt to be at his grandmother’s bedside before she died, after wasting precious time trying to get Meghan on the plane to Balmoral.

Then there was the way he learned of her death from his father — who had been trying urgently to contact him — just five minutes before it was announced to the world.

(Whatever his faults, no one can deny that Harry was a loving and much-loved grandchild.)

After that, we saw him frantically trying to delay the publication of his warts-and-all book about the supposedly horrid and racist Royal Family, perhaps fearing it may reflect badly on him and Meghan.

Now comes the bombshell revelation that the Sussexes are trying to postpone the December release of their multi-million-pound Netflix docu-series until next year. The show which allegedly contains jibes against his father — now the King, of course — his step-mother Camilla and his alienated brother and sister-in-law.

PLATELL’S PEOPLE: What a rotten few weeks it’s been for Prince Harry. First, there was his desperate attempt to be at his grandmother’s bedside before she died, after wasting precious time trying to get Meghan on the plane to Balmoral

The point is that such attacks, as well as any indiscretions about the Royal Family, could well damage the Sussex brand, coming so soon after the death of the Queen — even in far-away America, where their true currency lies.

And yet, sadly for this embittered couple in their $14 million Montecito mansion, their value relies on them continuing to make such attacks.

What are Harry and Meghan worth if they’re not being hateful about the Royals?

Would Netflix be paying them $100 million to be nice about Charles, Camilla, William and Kate, and to tell us piously that they care about the world?

The Queen’s death means that, for now at least, their golden U.S. goose is well and truly cooked. They can no longer just cash in by telling ‘their truth’ about the beastly royals.

Meghan is promising instead to inform us all about her and Harry’s love story.

Ambitious TV actress in an unknown Canadian TV series ensnares a Prince. Removes him from his family, his home, his lineage and all he loves so he can become a lonesome Netflix star. Many would call that a horror movie.

Controversial rapper Coolio, who’s died aged 59, had a career as colourful as his love life. Four children with his ex-wife Josefa and six more with other women. That’s going to be one hell of a funeral if they all turn up. 

Guess what can be sexy

Hurrah for the frankness of 52-year-old Bridget Jones actress Sally Phillips, who has said the menopause isn’t always a disaster, that for many women it can be ‘very sexy, you can get a massive rise in libido’, and ‘you might feel a bit la la for a couple of years, but you get over it’.

And what a welcome slap in the face of the Menopause Police to say that, while horrible for some, it is not unmitigated misery for every woman.

 That’s a really bad hobbit, Lenny

Lenny Henry says the abuse he’s received for his role in Amazon’s new The Lord Of The Rings series has come from viewers unhappy about so many actors from ethnic backgrounds.

Perhaps they’re simply attacking his ridiculously over-the-top portrayal of the crazy-eyed Harfoot elder.

Our Lenny may have mastered Shakespeare’s Othello, but as Sadoc Burrows he’s a joke — and not a funny one.

Lenny Henry says the abuse he’s received for his role in Amazon’s new The Lord Of The Rings series has come from viewers unhappy about so many actors from ethnic backgrounds

Now we’re approaching her final performance as Doctor Who this month, actress Jodie Whittaker — who has lost millions of viewers during her stewardship of the Tardis — says she can’t speak about her time as the Time Lord without crying. 

I cry tears of tedium as I watch your Doctor, Jodie — that’s when I’m not shouting: ‘Exterminate!’ 

One million viewers switched off the first Strictly live show last Saturday, which ended up drawing the smallest audience in years. And little wonder.

I’m all for inclusivity, but how on earth can petite dancer Karen Hauer lift her same-sex partner, hefty 6 ft 2 in Jayde Adams, without incurring a career-ending injury? 

Or waltz when she can’t even get her arm around Jayde’s body? It’s silly.

Why not partner Jayde with a burly bloke instead of same-sexing?

It’s a dance show, not a social experiment.

Let’s rear it for Lily

Other than that lapse in judgment when she shared a scooter with Dominic West, Lily James has been flawless — enchanting us in Cinderella, wowing us in Rebecca, Downton Abbey and Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again.

Now she arrives at the British Film Institute charity gala wearing a backless red dress, patting her behind. 

If there were an Oscar for the most perfect bottom, it would surely go to our adorable Lily. Although Mrs Dominic West may not agree.

Now she arrives at the British Film Institute charity gala wearing a backless red dress, patting her behind

A jury has cleared then-24 st student Imogen Brooke of forcing a man she met on a dating website to have sex with her.

Among the nuggets heard in court was the claim that, with her weight, she couldn’t possibly have managed to straddle him, and that he fell asleep before they could share a feast of onion rings.

What a travesty when so many rape victims wait more than two years for their cases to come to trial.

Message for the King as Denmark’s Queen Margrethe strips four of her grandchildren of their princely titles: time to do the same here. 

Remove the ‘Princess’ from Eugenie and Beatrice and call them what they are: Mrs Eugenie Brooksbank, wife of a tequila ambassador, and Mrs Beatrice Mapelli Mozzi, married to a property developer so successful they’re still living in a grace-and-favour apartment in St James’s Palace. 

Westminster Wars 

  • After failing to regain the Labour whip, Jeremy Corbyn vents his anger playing a ‘Kill Thatcher’ video game at the party conference. Only a truly warped person would want to kill our first woman PM, even in a game.
  • Angela Rayner is confident Labour will win the next election and she’ll be deputy PM, comparing herself to John Prescott ‘but better looking in a dress.’ Ghastly thought, but also unlikely as the animosity between her and Keir is palpable, and he singularly failed to mention her in his Leader’s speech.
  • Instead of racially slurring Kwasi Kwarteng, you’d have thought Labour MP Rupa Huq would celebrate what they have in common: British-born children of migrants, privately educated and Cambridge graduates. The difference is her political career is now dead.

Mike Tindall says the Queen gave her approval for the use of the utilitarian C-17 transport plane to carry her coffin to London, even though it was used to repatriate the bodies of British troops. 

Her Majesty said: ‘If it’s good enough for my boys, it’s good enough for me.’ 

Wonderful.

Battle of the Becks (cont.)

Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz attended Victoria’s show at Paris Fashion Week, after David read his son the riot act.

Nic had hurt Vic’s feelings by saying that, contrary to the rumours that she had snubbed Posh, it was VB who’d declined to make her a wedding dress.

Well done to Becks for standing up for his wife, but isn’t there a strong whiff of Brand Beckham’s PR team milking this saga?

If you can get over Kenneth Branagh’s absurd prosthetics, there are touching moments in the new Sky series This England. 

When Boris tries to call his four children with ex-wife Marina to wish them a happy Christmas, none picks up. 

And when Carrie falls pregnant, he fails to tell them before they read it in the Press. 

Boris didn’t just lose his job as PM, tragically he lost the respect of his own kids.

Virgin Atlantic has launched its new ad campaign, marking that male and female staff (if we’re still allowed to call them that) can wear skirts or trousers or whatever, and passengers can book with gender-neutral pronouns. Why would the ad make me fly with Virgin when I can do so cheaper elsewhere? 

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