Hi, sickly Patrick Mahomes fantasy owners. I’m Dr. Madman. I’m here to help you deal with your affliction. I understand you have Quarterback Injury Syndrome (QIS). I know it won’t make you feel much better, but there has been a rash of such cases this season.
Some fantasy owners contracted the Drew Brees strain, others a Ben Roethlisberger type, some have the Cam Newton variety. We’ve even seen a new Matt Ryan bug emerge in the past couple of days.
So, at least you know you aren’t alone. But I don’t want to sugarcoat it: The Mahomes Strain is the worst variation of this ailment. And because so many others are afflicted with other forms, treatment is more scarce than usual.
There are, however, a few remedies that can ease the pain. One of those is Kirk Cousins, whose effectiveness in relieving QIS is spotty, but normally you can foresee those side effects coming — when he has a bad matchup. You might want to switch treatments in Weeks 10, 11 and 16 — when he faces the Cowboys, Broncos and Packers. He can be particularly effective the next two weeks, facing the Redskins and Chiefs.
Sam Darnold was high on our remedy list. His upcoming schedule is nice, so we have optimism. But he failed his latest round of testing with an atrocious game Monday night against the Patriots. Though it isn’t just his four terrible interceptions that worry us, it is also the confusion on the offensive line picking up Patriots blitzes, which other teams also will try to exploit.
Jacoby Brissett and Matthew Stafford are stable elixirs. The only worry is that they are in scarce supply. It is likely your fantasy pharmacy has run out.
If those options are not available, check to see if you can get a dose of Jameis Winston. This isn’t the most reliable cure. Sometimes, the side effects might be worse than the symptoms. But it has, in the past, provided momentary relief to patients.
More experimental options are also available. Ryan Tannehill has not done well under testing in the past, but we now have Titans Version 2 of that formula. Initial Week 7 testing was satisfactory, yet this alternative method is no guarantee for success. Andy Dalton has more bad effects than good, but, he does offer brief relief once in a while, or at least he has in the past. We’re not certain the current Dalton concoction is effective, so if prescribed, please take this medication with care.
Daniel Jones is a new product on the market. The first test results were outstanding, but he hasn’t stood up to further testing. There is reason to believe this formula will work, but it is in demo stage.
With these less reliable options, we suggest you double up and mix medications week to week, picking the best based on weekly circumstances. So, our recommendation: Among Cousins, Brissett, Stafford, Darnold, Winston, Tannehill, Dalton and Jones, take two and call us in the morning.
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