PETER Kay has written a poignant new Car Share sketch – about his character John weeping amidst a brain cancer scare.
The skit has been published in the book Dear NHS: 100 Stories To Say Thank You, which features 100 stories by celebs in tribute to the health service.
It starts with Peter’s supermarket manager character John telling his cashier sidekick Kayleigh about organising his dad’s end-of-life care.
Peter’s own dad Michael died aged 51 in 1999 after he turned to booze to cope with the osteoporosis the comic said left his dad "bent double".
In the sketch, John says to Kayleigh: "I went for a brain scan once… it was years ago, I kept getting these really bad headaches.
"My GP said it was sinuses, but being a proper hypochondriac, I thought b*****ks, what does he know? So I booked in for a brain scan."
John adds that he was left in tears during the check and that he asked the nurse to put on Simon & Garfunkel when she asked him what music he wanted to hear.
John continued: "I went for the Best Of Simon & Garfunkel.
"I love them and they would have been the perfect choice if the first song hadn’t been The Sound Of Silence, with the opening line, 'Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk to you again'… and there’s me laying in this MRI machine having a brain scan.
Adding: "It got worse – in the third verse the lyrics are 'silence like a cancer grows'. I was in tears. I was ashen when I came out. I told the nurse. I said I thought it was going to be happy, Mrs Robinson and all that.
"She said a lot of people pick Frank Sinatra because they think it’s going to be all Fly Me To The Moon and New York, New York, but the first song is My Way with the opening line, And now, the end is near and so I face the final curtain'.
"You’d be gutted."
The sketch ends on an upbeat note, with Kayleigh asking if doctors found anything, and John answering: "No, nothing. The GP was right, it was my sinuses after all.
"A course of antibiotics and I was sorted in a week. That'll teach me."
Dad-of-three Peter, 47, cancelled a tour in 2017 and has rarely been seen in public since.
He was last on TV in 2018 when he appeared in two special episodes of Car Share.
He also appeared on the BBC One Big Night In coronavirus fundraising show in April, in a pre-recorded clip from his Bolton home.
The comedian has a 16-year-old son and two younger children with wife Susan Gargan, who he married in 2001.
Since his self-imposed hiatus, Lancashire-born Peter has only been seen in public to promote charity events.
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